"What will you be going to school for?" she asked.
"Photography," i said.
It's what i always say. Do i really mean it, or is it just a response i give to avoid the parental remarks if my reply was actually, "I don't know."? I used to mean it. I don't think i still do. I mean, i've been saying it for the past year and a half and still nothing. I love the art of photography and being able to look at a well-done image knowing it's my own, but do i want to make a career out of it? If i do, why haven't i committed? And if i don't, then what
will i make a career out of? It's too bad meandering isn't an occupation.
The question was prefaced by, "What're you going to do in Boston?"
"Try to find a school in photography."
I always say that too, but i haven't spent a single second looking for one, or even thinking about it. Am i afraid of commitment? There are those in my life that would tell you so. I would be apt to agree with them. I am. "Will you be home for dinner tonight?" my mom will ask. "I don't know," i say. Honestly, i don't. Someone could call and ask if i want to hang out. I may suddenly get the urge to be somewhere else. One never knows. So i don't commit.
Sometimes i think i'm afraid due to my logical acception that nothing is ever certain. No one ever
really knows. We all take our best guess and make a decision from there. Small choices , big choices; all without full knowledge or understanding of what's to come. Unexpected things happen all the time. And yet, even without knowing, assumptions must be made. Guesses, estimates, knowledge of prior similar situations will be taken into account, all so that a conclusion can be arrived at.
And that is what i am working on.
When Chelsea and i get together on our quasi-weekly thursday night outtings, we begin with the same question. Where are we going for dinner? I've found, and i'm sure she has too, that being indecisive with the hope of choosing the right thing is worse than being decisive and having wished a different choice had been made. Standing in that middle zone, that purgatory of decisiveness, is detrimental to all parties involved. It's
really annoying. But when a concrete decision is made, when one
knows exactly what's expected of them and what assumptions and agreements can be made, a certain satisfaction sets in.
"Let's go eat at The Corner Pug."
There. We know where we're eating and we can make further necessary decisions upon arrival. A part of our minds is now set at ease because we know. We know where we're going. We know what we're doing. Done. If something unexpected comes up on the way, or food from that particular restaurant is now unatainable, adaptions will be made. Counter decisions will arrise and be dealt with.
If a wrong choice is made, you can always correct it. And if not, you'll know the next time it comes up.
So my job of late has been to be decisive. To make assumptions. To just do it. It makes life oh so much easier. It really does. Next time you're in an indecisive situation, just choose. Pick randomly if you have to. But choose. It feels good. It makes life more adventurous.
No mom, i won't be home for dinner.
