I Won't Be Home For Dinner
"What will you be going to school for?" she asked.
"Photography," i said.
It's what i always say. Do i really mean it, or is it just a response i give to avoid the parental remarks if my reply was actually, "I don't know."? I used to mean it. I don't think i still do. I mean, i've been saying it for the past year and a half and still nothing. I love the art of photography and being able to look at a well-done image knowing it's my own, but do i want to make a career out of it? If i do, why haven't i committed? And if i don't, then what will i make a career out of? It's too bad meandering isn't an occupation.
The question was prefaced by, "What're you going to do in Boston?"
"Try to find a school in photography."
I always say that too, but i haven't spent a single second looking for one, or even thinking about it. Am i afraid of commitment? There are those in my life that would tell you so. I would be apt to agree with them. I am. "Will you be home for dinner tonight?" my mom will ask. "I don't know," i say. Honestly, i don't. Someone could call and ask if i want to hang out. I may suddenly get the urge to be somewhere else. One never knows. So i don't commit.
Sometimes i think i'm afraid due to my logical acception that nothing is ever certain. No one ever really knows. We all take our best guess and make a decision from there. Small choices , big choices; all without full knowledge or understanding of what's to come. Unexpected things happen all the time. And yet, even without knowing, assumptions must be made. Guesses, estimates, knowledge of prior similar situations will be taken into account, all so that a conclusion can be arrived at.
And that is what i am working on.
When Chelsea and i get together on our quasi-weekly thursday night outtings, we begin with the same question. Where are we going for dinner? I've found, and i'm sure she has too, that being indecisive with the hope of choosing the right thing is worse than being decisive and having wished a different choice had been made. Standing in that middle zone, that purgatory of decisiveness, is detrimental to all parties involved. It's really annoying. But when a concrete decision is made, when one knows exactly what's expected of them and what assumptions and agreements can be made, a certain satisfaction sets in.
"Let's go eat at The Corner Pug."
There. We know where we're eating and we can make further necessary decisions upon arrival. A part of our minds is now set at ease because we know. We know where we're going. We know what we're doing. Done. If something unexpected comes up on the way, or food from that particular restaurant is now unatainable, adaptions will be made. Counter decisions will arrise and be dealt with.
If a wrong choice is made, you can always correct it. And if not, you'll know the next time it comes up.
So my job of late has been to be decisive. To make assumptions. To just do it. It makes life oh so much easier. It really does. Next time you're in an indecisive situation, just choose. Pick randomly if you have to. But choose. It feels good. It makes life more adventurous.
No mom, i won't be home for dinner.
"Photography," i said.
It's what i always say. Do i really mean it, or is it just a response i give to avoid the parental remarks if my reply was actually, "I don't know."? I used to mean it. I don't think i still do. I mean, i've been saying it for the past year and a half and still nothing. I love the art of photography and being able to look at a well-done image knowing it's my own, but do i want to make a career out of it? If i do, why haven't i committed? And if i don't, then what will i make a career out of? It's too bad meandering isn't an occupation.
The question was prefaced by, "What're you going to do in Boston?"
"Try to find a school in photography."
I always say that too, but i haven't spent a single second looking for one, or even thinking about it. Am i afraid of commitment? There are those in my life that would tell you so. I would be apt to agree with them. I am. "Will you be home for dinner tonight?" my mom will ask. "I don't know," i say. Honestly, i don't. Someone could call and ask if i want to hang out. I may suddenly get the urge to be somewhere else. One never knows. So i don't commit.
Sometimes i think i'm afraid due to my logical acception that nothing is ever certain. No one ever really knows. We all take our best guess and make a decision from there. Small choices , big choices; all without full knowledge or understanding of what's to come. Unexpected things happen all the time. And yet, even without knowing, assumptions must be made. Guesses, estimates, knowledge of prior similar situations will be taken into account, all so that a conclusion can be arrived at.
And that is what i am working on.
When Chelsea and i get together on our quasi-weekly thursday night outtings, we begin with the same question. Where are we going for dinner? I've found, and i'm sure she has too, that being indecisive with the hope of choosing the right thing is worse than being decisive and having wished a different choice had been made. Standing in that middle zone, that purgatory of decisiveness, is detrimental to all parties involved. It's really annoying. But when a concrete decision is made, when one knows exactly what's expected of them and what assumptions and agreements can be made, a certain satisfaction sets in.
"Let's go eat at The Corner Pug."
There. We know where we're eating and we can make further necessary decisions upon arrival. A part of our minds is now set at ease because we know. We know where we're going. We know what we're doing. Done. If something unexpected comes up on the way, or food from that particular restaurant is now unatainable, adaptions will be made. Counter decisions will arrise and be dealt with.
If a wrong choice is made, you can always correct it. And if not, you'll know the next time it comes up.
So my job of late has been to be decisive. To make assumptions. To just do it. It makes life oh so much easier. It really does. Next time you're in an indecisive situation, just choose. Pick randomly if you have to. But choose. It feels good. It makes life more adventurous.
No mom, i won't be home for dinner.
posted by Still Daddy at 9:15 PM
6 Comments:
It sounds like you have a love for photography, but I don't think that is what is in question. To me, it sounds like you are afraid to put yourself out there, go to a school for photography make a job out of it, for the simple fact that either your afraid it will fail, or you don't think you will make it. I think your indescision is more of a fear of the unknown then anything else. Life is never going to be certain. You need to take that chance, and if it fails, then it fails, and you pick yourself back up again. One of my new favorite movie lines is "why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up again" I think what your going through, is the fear of falling, but falling is all part of the learning proccess, you will never know what you want to do in life if you don't try one thing first. even on a lagistic stand point, you can't try everything at once anyways. I should know that more then anyone.... Hope you understand, and see you later, we should get together and talk sometimes, because I feel as brothers we should stick together and have compassion by helping each other out when we fall down. Sometimes you just need to reminded someone is there, so I am here for you Adam, as a brother and a fellow christian, and a friend.
Peace be with you,
You might be afraid of commitment, but you had gosh darn well better commit to visiting me. I don't have an Ikea, but we can go to Circuit City or Best Buy. Heck, we can take over Mike's office for the evening and play there. Okay, probably not that.
So, I was talking to Mike, and he said you should come visit me. See, I told you he's smart. He knows that you have to come down here.
Fall For Greenville is calling your name.
Adam, you are very right.
There I made a decision.
Aren't you proud?
Now to decide it Thursday dinner is on or not....
Hmm....
Guess I still fail =P
*if....not it
You are a writer. Write a book.
kaylee switched her major to english! computers to english? hmmm... i hope i can illustrate for her, too, when she writes stories.
Hey, I remember the time I went with you and Chels to get food and movies. You made me decide what to get for food. And i said Dunkin Donuts. he he... that was a fun time getting to know you. awe... you just Chelsea's cool older cousin then.
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