Stormy Weather

John Williams; Harry Potter soundtrack (the first one...Sorcerer's Stone)

I'm sitting at Pam's place. She's doing some work for school over on the couch, laptop sitting on the coffee table. I'm on the love seat, laptop on my lap. The TV is on, but only because the aforementioned soundtrack has nowhere else to be played in the room but the DVD player. I can't remember the last time i got to just sit in a room with someone simply to enjoy each other's presence. Well, i can't say that. Heather and i used to do it once in a while. But it's still nice to be able to do it right now. There's an intimatcy to it that fits very comfortably. That's really why i'm here. I told Pam i'd keep her company while she did schoolwork, and that i'd bring over some things to do myself. I planned on blogging at least a little, so that's partly why i'm here. The other part is that i want to journal thoughts, and make more of a habit out of it. But, before i go and waste another paragraph talking about how i want to type more paragraphs, i'm going to just do it.

We (Pam and i) went into a Shop Rite after eating at Panera for lunch. We were only in there for about twenty minutes, but when we came out the sky was the darkest, most ominous i think i have ever seen it. The clouds were shifting in all directions, and fairly fast considering their normal speed. Big formations would slide into one another causing an almost whirlwind effect where parts of one would begin to swirl into parts of the other. It was a beautiful sight. When we got back, i left an away message up that said the following.

"In the twenty minutes they had been in the store, the sky had become dark and restless. The clouds were moving in all directions, the stronger bullying the lesser out of the way. He imagined tension to look just the same as it builds inside someone, until finally the storm just bursts forth, hurling rain and lighting onto the object of its wrath."

I really wish i had had my camera with me. I would like to have taken some photographs. A video camera would've been cool too. Despite my lack of blank media, however, i was there, and i got such a thrill out of seeing such beautiful weather. As i explained to Pam, "We see blue skies all the time, but this stuff...this stuff only comes once in a great while, and here we are right underneath it!"

I suppose that's all for now. More later? We'll see i suppose...i'll have to pass some time to find out, whereas you can see the next entry and know right away. Imagine the time travelling skills you possess. Well, travel away dear reader.

Loneliness Unbearable

Zero 7 (the music i'm listening to)

The loneliness that i'm feeling right now is almost unbearable. But first, a brief update...

For those of you that don't know, Heather and i broke up. It was a tough decision to make, though i do feel that i made the right one. I would say "we" made the right one, but as Heather rightfully points out, i pretty much made the decision and she understandingly went along with it. What choice did she really have? I realize that generally speaking, it's one person that makes that type of decision, but Heather and i were hoping to make it together, if that makes any sense. Anywho...so we broke up...i don't know, three weeks ago? Perhaps more. Anyways, since then, I've been with someone just about every night (mostly my best friend, Joe) for the past two weeks...

So right now is one of those few nights since we broke up that i am without company. It's not easy. When i'm with people, or at work, or at least busy with something, my mind is occupied with the here and now. But when i slow down and have no one to devote my attention to, my mind begins to wander to a hopeless thought train, and my heart feels empty. Again, i feel we, i, made the right decision, but that doesn't stop me from feeling lonely at the moment. When i came into the house, the silence, as they say, was almost deafening. Going from a loud daycare to a house with no other occupant, save the two cats upstairs. But, as we all should know, cats are stealthy.

I hope this feeling goes away. Just stopping to log this in is helping me a bit. I'm feeling a desire to go out and order some sushi, a big comfort food of mine (go figure), rent a movie, and have some time away from it all. Or perhaps the healthiest thing would be to acknowledge it and deal with it properly. But, maybe that's what i'm doing right now. Either way, i'm going to go get my stuff now...any suggestions on what to order would be helpful, though i'm sure by the time you (whoever you may be) read this, i will have already ordered and consumed my dinner.

All that being said, i'm off to hang out with myself...