Loneliness Unbearable

Zero 7 (the music i'm listening to)

The loneliness that i'm feeling right now is almost unbearable. But first, a brief update...

For those of you that don't know, Heather and i broke up. It was a tough decision to make, though i do feel that i made the right one. I would say "we" made the right one, but as Heather rightfully points out, i pretty much made the decision and she understandingly went along with it. What choice did she really have? I realize that generally speaking, it's one person that makes that type of decision, but Heather and i were hoping to make it together, if that makes any sense. Anywho...so we broke up...i don't know, three weeks ago? Perhaps more. Anyways, since then, I've been with someone just about every night (mostly my best friend, Joe) for the past two weeks...

So right now is one of those few nights since we broke up that i am without company. It's not easy. When i'm with people, or at work, or at least busy with something, my mind is occupied with the here and now. But when i slow down and have no one to devote my attention to, my mind begins to wander to a hopeless thought train, and my heart feels empty. Again, i feel we, i, made the right decision, but that doesn't stop me from feeling lonely at the moment. When i came into the house, the silence, as they say, was almost deafening. Going from a loud daycare to a house with no other occupant, save the two cats upstairs. But, as we all should know, cats are stealthy.

I hope this feeling goes away. Just stopping to log this in is helping me a bit. I'm feeling a desire to go out and order some sushi, a big comfort food of mine (go figure), rent a movie, and have some time away from it all. Or perhaps the healthiest thing would be to acknowledge it and deal with it properly. But, maybe that's what i'm doing right now. Either way, i'm going to go get my stuff now...any suggestions on what to order would be helpful, though i'm sure by the time you (whoever you may be) read this, i will have already ordered and consumed my dinner.

All that being said, i'm off to hang out with myself...