The Tag
Alan Silvestri, theme to "The Abyss". I don't start listening to it until after the second line though. The first two (from "I don't..." to "...have thought?") i put up last night while watching 13 Going On 30, then i added the rest this morning.
I don't know if it's the spirit of the moment, i need a good pick-me-up, or that i have a crush on Jennifer Garner, but i just realized that i really like this movie.
Who'd have thought?
It's not the concept of the film, which is fine, but it's more the interaction between Jennifer Garner's character and Mark Ruffalo's
Actually, while we're partially on the subject of Jennifer Garner, i had a dream about her the other night.
I was sitting with my laptop (in the dream) and i had her AIM screen name. I think it was actually "Jennifer Garner". We were talking for a bit, about what i don't recall, and i got the feeling that i was annoying her.
You know how people say that dreams are just a string of events from your personal experiences translated into obscure, unconscious thought? I find that often to be true. I don't actually have Jennifer's screen name, but i do sometimes have this fear (rational or not) that i'm annoying people online. Jaime for instance. I IM her ALL THE TIME. And i begin to wonder if she really does enjoy talking to me, or if i'm annoying her guts out (a phrase i've become fond of over the past few days...the guts out part). I'll sign on, see that she's on as well, and i'll assertively say to myself, "Adam, maybe you should leave her alone for a change." Apparently i'm good at ignoring myself, because a large portion of the time i IM her anyway. And then the fear sets in. "Am i annoying her?" Mind you, this doesn't just happen with Jaime, it happens with Grace sometimes too, and Pam, and i'm sure a handful of others. It almost always happens with girls that i have even just a little bit of a thing for. I start to wonder if who i am is getting on their nerves and doing that gets on my own. That's when i get annoying.
That leads me to another tangent. Ever since i broke up with Heather, i've tried to stay emotionally stable with the female side of the species. I used to have this thing, and partially still do, where a cute girl would cause me to suddenly pull back any bizarre parts of my character (which there are many) on display. If i were in a grocery store with Joe and we were joking around and acting crazy, like we often do, and a cute girl that i knew, or not, was in an aisle, i would stop. And i began to wonder why. Why would i become extremely conscious of what parts of me were visible. Why does it make a difference? If a girl, or anyone, is going to accept me, they're going to have to accept all of me. There's no picking and choosing. "Well, i like that he can make me laugh, but i don't like that he procrastinates so i'm not going to accept that part." Doesn't work that way.
We all have a tag that says, "As is", on which is a list of our faults and shortcomings. Sometimes an item is added, and sometimes one is removed. But there's always a tag. Girls sometimes have this false hope that they can change a guy. If you do, give it up. You can't. If he does change, as i did while i was dating Heather, it's not because of anything she intentionally did. It's because he chose to. That goes for the reverse as well. If she changes, it's because of a choice she had made, not because of any direct doing on his part. Only you can affect your tag. Anyways, i got sick of trying to cover up my own tag for a girl. I've decided to proudly wear my faults on the exterior, for without them i would be like everyone else. That, and who out there is without them? I think we all need to be much more honest with ourselves and stop covering up who we really are.
It's kind of like my car. I drive a silver Honda Civic so when it's in a parking lot it blends in to every other silver sedan out there, and we certainly don't have a shortage of those. So what makes my car stand out is the dent in the trunk and the crack in the windshield. I thought about fixing the dent (the windshield i have to), but I've grown quite fond of it. There are other defining features about it as well, but they're all internal. Same with me. On the outside (both physically and with personality), i have my unique attributes. But all the really good ones that you can't see just by looking, are inside. That can be applied to anyone. You have to get closer; you have to look deeper.
This leads me, quite unintentionally smoothly, back to the rest of my dream. I was walking to work on a pleasant street with trees on the sidewalk and little shops all over, when i realized that Jennifer was walking behind me with a couple of her friends. I walked into a store, which they happened to follow me into. Jennifer and one of her friends were talking about the other, a blonde girl, and how they needed to get makeup for her for some party or something. That's when i joined in. I began talking to them about how i feel girls shouldn't wear makeup because it just covers up their real face. I mean, makeup can be attractive sometimes, but overall i don't like it. So we got into an argument. Not a heated, strong words exchanged argument, but a decent (almost like high school friends) argument. I continued with my opinion about girls being taught by the media, and other influences that they have to change who they are because they're not good enough, and they continued with theirs about makeup being fine. That was the dream. A short IM conversation with Jennifer Garner, followed by a discussion about makeup in a store with her and two of her friends. It was odd, but interesing.
I find it funny that females are generally the ones pushing the whole "change yourself because you're not good enough" thing on other females. Guys, in general, don't care. Makeup or no makeup, designer clothes or pajamas, it's all the same to us. There are outfits that have more appeal than others, certainly, but overall it really doesn't matter. Well, at least with me. One of my favorites actually is pajamas. There is this one outfit that drives me crazy (in a good way). Khaki pants with a white shirt. Simple, clean, and sexy. Joe and i call it "the outfit". But, while i highly enjoy it (especially accompanied by Love Spell, my absolute favorite "perfume"), she's still the same girl without it; that outfit doesn't change the tag.
What i'm trying to get at here, in a somewhat indirect way, is that i try really hard now not to hide who i am. Sometimes it takes quite a bit of conscious thought and effort to do it, but it's become a goal of mine. Don't back away, don't hide yourself, don't worry. Be you. And if they don't like it, it's their problem, and you're better off without them.
Don't hide your tag.
I don't know if it's the spirit of the moment, i need a good pick-me-up, or that i have a crush on Jennifer Garner, but i just realized that i really like this movie.
Who'd have thought?
It's not the concept of the film, which is fine, but it's more the interaction between Jennifer Garner's character and Mark Ruffalo's
Actually, while we're partially on the subject of Jennifer Garner, i had a dream about her the other night.
I was sitting with my laptop (in the dream) and i had her AIM screen name. I think it was actually "Jennifer Garner". We were talking for a bit, about what i don't recall, and i got the feeling that i was annoying her.
You know how people say that dreams are just a string of events from your personal experiences translated into obscure, unconscious thought? I find that often to be true. I don't actually have Jennifer's screen name, but i do sometimes have this fear (rational or not) that i'm annoying people online. Jaime for instance. I IM her ALL THE TIME. And i begin to wonder if she really does enjoy talking to me, or if i'm annoying her guts out (a phrase i've become fond of over the past few days...the guts out part). I'll sign on, see that she's on as well, and i'll assertively say to myself, "Adam, maybe you should leave her alone for a change." Apparently i'm good at ignoring myself, because a large portion of the time i IM her anyway. And then the fear sets in. "Am i annoying her?" Mind you, this doesn't just happen with Jaime, it happens with Grace sometimes too, and Pam, and i'm sure a handful of others. It almost always happens with girls that i have even just a little bit of a thing for. I start to wonder if who i am is getting on their nerves and doing that gets on my own. That's when i get annoying.
That leads me to another tangent. Ever since i broke up with Heather, i've tried to stay emotionally stable with the female side of the species. I used to have this thing, and partially still do, where a cute girl would cause me to suddenly pull back any bizarre parts of my character (which there are many) on display. If i were in a grocery store with Joe and we were joking around and acting crazy, like we often do, and a cute girl that i knew, or not, was in an aisle, i would stop. And i began to wonder why. Why would i become extremely conscious of what parts of me were visible. Why does it make a difference? If a girl, or anyone, is going to accept me, they're going to have to accept all of me. There's no picking and choosing. "Well, i like that he can make me laugh, but i don't like that he procrastinates so i'm not going to accept that part." Doesn't work that way.
We all have a tag that says, "As is", on which is a list of our faults and shortcomings. Sometimes an item is added, and sometimes one is removed. But there's always a tag. Girls sometimes have this false hope that they can change a guy. If you do, give it up. You can't. If he does change, as i did while i was dating Heather, it's not because of anything she intentionally did. It's because he chose to. That goes for the reverse as well. If she changes, it's because of a choice she had made, not because of any direct doing on his part. Only you can affect your tag. Anyways, i got sick of trying to cover up my own tag for a girl. I've decided to proudly wear my faults on the exterior, for without them i would be like everyone else. That, and who out there is without them? I think we all need to be much more honest with ourselves and stop covering up who we really are.
It's kind of like my car. I drive a silver Honda Civic so when it's in a parking lot it blends in to every other silver sedan out there, and we certainly don't have a shortage of those. So what makes my car stand out is the dent in the trunk and the crack in the windshield. I thought about fixing the dent (the windshield i have to), but I've grown quite fond of it. There are other defining features about it as well, but they're all internal. Same with me. On the outside (both physically and with personality), i have my unique attributes. But all the really good ones that you can't see just by looking, are inside. That can be applied to anyone. You have to get closer; you have to look deeper.
This leads me, quite unintentionally smoothly, back to the rest of my dream. I was walking to work on a pleasant street with trees on the sidewalk and little shops all over, when i realized that Jennifer was walking behind me with a couple of her friends. I walked into a store, which they happened to follow me into. Jennifer and one of her friends were talking about the other, a blonde girl, and how they needed to get makeup for her for some party or something. That's when i joined in. I began talking to them about how i feel girls shouldn't wear makeup because it just covers up their real face. I mean, makeup can be attractive sometimes, but overall i don't like it. So we got into an argument. Not a heated, strong words exchanged argument, but a decent (almost like high school friends) argument. I continued with my opinion about girls being taught by the media, and other influences that they have to change who they are because they're not good enough, and they continued with theirs about makeup being fine. That was the dream. A short IM conversation with Jennifer Garner, followed by a discussion about makeup in a store with her and two of her friends. It was odd, but interesing.
I find it funny that females are generally the ones pushing the whole "change yourself because you're not good enough" thing on other females. Guys, in general, don't care. Makeup or no makeup, designer clothes or pajamas, it's all the same to us. There are outfits that have more appeal than others, certainly, but overall it really doesn't matter. Well, at least with me. One of my favorites actually is pajamas. There is this one outfit that drives me crazy (in a good way). Khaki pants with a white shirt. Simple, clean, and sexy. Joe and i call it "the outfit". But, while i highly enjoy it (especially accompanied by Love Spell, my absolute favorite "perfume"), she's still the same girl without it; that outfit doesn't change the tag.
What i'm trying to get at here, in a somewhat indirect way, is that i try really hard now not to hide who i am. Sometimes it takes quite a bit of conscious thought and effort to do it, but it's become a goal of mine. Don't back away, don't hide yourself, don't worry. Be you. And if they don't like it, it's their problem, and you're better off without them.
Don't hide your tag.
posted by Still Daddy at 8:34 AM
4 Comments:
ewww...not a huge fan of movies like that. =D enjoy though!
makeup makes my face itchy adamin
I'm glad we started working out together. It's a way to better ourselves with company. Not just one trying to change the other, but each modivating the other to keep it up. I miss your tummy, by the way.
I love your tag.
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