A Month of Cleansing #9 (Musings)
Jeff Buckley, "Hallelujah"...there's a version by Rufus Wainwright that i heard first, but i think i prefer this one. It starts out slower, and it just seems a little deeper. Wainwright's is kind of cut out of a piece of paper whereas Buckley's...i dunno, doesn't? Whatever.
And now a random selection of musings from this past week, and some from even further back.
ALIENS
Joe came up with this theory, but i think it's funny so i'd like to share it. He belives that aliens are patient, and will conquer this planet slowly. Rather than bring on a full scale attack, they're going to take their time and slowly cause the degredation of our natural resources. Knowing we need oxygen to live, the main source of which is trees, their plan is to constantly fly over creating more paperwork for us to fill out. The more paperwork we fill out, the more trees we cut down, the more trees we cut down the less oxygen we have. Yes UFO sightings comprise just a small portion of the paperwork filled out each year, but like i said...they're patient.
At least that's what i thought. But Joe corrected me. Aliens already came and teamed up with our government, and together they're going to deplenish our resources. That's why the government requires so much paperwork (for the aforementioned reasons). That's also why the military fills out everything in triplicate. One gets used, two get thrown out or lost.
MUFF-PUFFS
There are creatures, about the size of five-year-olds that live in yards all across the world. They are called muff-puffs. They look like those little cottonball characters with arms, legs, and two googly eyes. What they love, more than anything in the world, is to dig holes in backyards. Any size will do, though their preference is a 4ft. diameter circular hole. They are quite good at what they do, and they have devised a way to lure unsuspecting homeowners into allowing their molish habits.
They come to your door and, when you answer, say, "Holes." And you, in confusion (mostly because they have never before made themselves visible to you) ask, "Holes?" And they, now seeing their mischievous plan has worked, reply, "Okay." They run strait to your backyard alarmingly fast. You stand there for a bit pondering what just transpired, though you are bizarrely unphased by their appearance. You make your way into the backyard, walking slowly so as not to give your now completely baffled mind too much input at once. There, dust still in the air, you find about 17 freshly dug holes at least 6 ft. deep each. They're randomly placed throughout the yard and there is no sign of a single muff-puff anywhere.
MERGING OF TWO JOKES
Yesterday my kids (at work...i don't have any of my own) had a joke going. Well, Melissa and i started it, but they found it rather amusing and decided to make it their own. We would say, "Hey Jeremy," as an example, "your mom's here." "Where?" he would wonder, looking about the room, first at the door. Then Melissa and i would erupt with sarcastic laughter at the foolishness that they fell for it. That was the first "joke".
The other joke, i started. I would pretend to puke on a kid. I'd wake up to them, puff up my cheeks as if i was going to puke, then go, "BLAAAAAAAAT!!" and pretend to let it all out on their clothes, in their hood (if they had one), or in a pocket or two. They would return the gesture, finding a different spot on my person to leave the contents of their regurgitation episode.
So, in review...
First joke:
"Hey, Jeremy, your mom's here."
Jeremy looks at the door.
"HA HA HA HAAAA! You looked!"
Second joke:
"Hey, Jeremy, i think..." cheeks get puffed out with a, "mmm" sound
"BLAAAAAAAAT!" opening their shirt and pretending to puke in it.
I'm not sure how it got started, but the jokes merged into one. It was very funny.
(the kids doing it to me)
"Hey, Adam, your mom's here."
I look at the door as if she were actually coming through.
"BLAAAAAAAAAT!!" they puke on me.
CANDY CORN: TOP or BOTTOM?
I thought that with candy corn, the yellow was the top (the big part) and the white was the bottom (the small part). Apparently my fellow employees see them differently. Both Robin, my boss, and Melissa, my partner, believe the white to be the top, and the yellow to be the bottom. Where do you stand on the issue?
YELLOW
I have a feeling yellow's going to be really big soon. Many, many people are going to want to step up and say, "I'm a fan of yellow," but only because it's just gained fame. But i will be able to say, "I'm a true yellow fan. I've been with it since before." So there...
SEEDS: INFINITY
I think it's a really neat thing to know that inside a single seed lies a potentially infinite supply if one plant. A seed grows a plant, which produces seeds, which grow plants, which produce seeds, which grow plants, and so on. Isn't that cool? A seed, when taken care of properly, can just keep going and going.
STICKERS
Why are stickers so cool to kids? They adhere to a piece of clothing for less than a day. You can't keep them for a long time, they don't do much besides sticking to stuff, they lack the interactive qualities of toys, and they disappear the next day. So what's the big deal?
"Peter, if you do this, i'll reward you with a sticker."
"Oh boy!" Peter exclaims, then runs off to complete the task. I just don't see what the big deal is.
I wonder when the day is that a kid realizes a sticker just isn't that great anymore. Must be a sad day, similar to finding out the easter bunny doesn't lay chocolate eggs, his wife does. Poor souls.
FROM WORK
My kids have taught me many things, but these are some amusing pieces of acquired knowledge i'd like to pass along to you.
"Juice + white = milk."
"G starts with green."
Anything past tense gets another 'ed' at the end. Example: "He kickeded me!"
"Everyone is different. Some people like their music loud, and some don't. Some people don't like to drive safely and get into accidents, and some do."
"If you talk during the movie we throw the TV out the window and put mustard on it."
The boogie man used to live in the back closet, but he moved to Florida.
Alright, that concludes my musings for the evening. On that note, i'm off...i hope you've enjoyed a brief glimpse into that which
And now a random selection of musings from this past week, and some from even further back.
ALIENS
Joe came up with this theory, but i think it's funny so i'd like to share it. He belives that aliens are patient, and will conquer this planet slowly. Rather than bring on a full scale attack, they're going to take their time and slowly cause the degredation of our natural resources. Knowing we need oxygen to live, the main source of which is trees, their plan is to constantly fly over creating more paperwork for us to fill out. The more paperwork we fill out, the more trees we cut down, the more trees we cut down the less oxygen we have. Yes UFO sightings comprise just a small portion of the paperwork filled out each year, but like i said...they're patient.
At least that's what i thought. But Joe corrected me. Aliens already came and teamed up with our government, and together they're going to deplenish our resources. That's why the government requires so much paperwork (for the aforementioned reasons). That's also why the military fills out everything in triplicate. One gets used, two get thrown out or lost.
MUFF-PUFFS
There are creatures, about the size of five-year-olds that live in yards all across the world. They are called muff-puffs. They look like those little cottonball characters with arms, legs, and two googly eyes. What they love, more than anything in the world, is to dig holes in backyards. Any size will do, though their preference is a 4ft. diameter circular hole. They are quite good at what they do, and they have devised a way to lure unsuspecting homeowners into allowing their molish habits.
They come to your door and, when you answer, say, "Holes." And you, in confusion (mostly because they have never before made themselves visible to you) ask, "Holes?" And they, now seeing their mischievous plan has worked, reply, "Okay." They run strait to your backyard alarmingly fast. You stand there for a bit pondering what just transpired, though you are bizarrely unphased by their appearance. You make your way into the backyard, walking slowly so as not to give your now completely baffled mind too much input at once. There, dust still in the air, you find about 17 freshly dug holes at least 6 ft. deep each. They're randomly placed throughout the yard and there is no sign of a single muff-puff anywhere.
MERGING OF TWO JOKES
Yesterday my kids (at work...i don't have any of my own) had a joke going. Well, Melissa and i started it, but they found it rather amusing and decided to make it their own. We would say, "Hey Jeremy," as an example, "your mom's here." "Where?" he would wonder, looking about the room, first at the door. Then Melissa and i would erupt with sarcastic laughter at the foolishness that they fell for it. That was the first "joke".
The other joke, i started. I would pretend to puke on a kid. I'd wake up to them, puff up my cheeks as if i was going to puke, then go, "BLAAAAAAAAT!!" and pretend to let it all out on their clothes, in their hood (if they had one), or in a pocket or two. They would return the gesture, finding a different spot on my person to leave the contents of their regurgitation episode.
So, in review...
First joke:
"Hey, Jeremy, your mom's here."
Jeremy looks at the door.
"HA HA HA HAAAA! You looked!"
Second joke:
"Hey, Jeremy, i think..." cheeks get puffed out with a, "mmm" sound
"BLAAAAAAAAT!" opening their shirt and pretending to puke in it.
I'm not sure how it got started, but the jokes merged into one. It was very funny.
(the kids doing it to me)
"Hey, Adam, your mom's here."
I look at the door as if she were actually coming through.
"BLAAAAAAAAAT!!" they puke on me.
CANDY CORN: TOP or BOTTOM?
I thought that with candy corn, the yellow was the top (the big part) and the white was the bottom (the small part). Apparently my fellow employees see them differently. Both Robin, my boss, and Melissa, my partner, believe the white to be the top, and the yellow to be the bottom. Where do you stand on the issue?
YELLOW
I have a feeling yellow's going to be really big soon. Many, many people are going to want to step up and say, "I'm a fan of yellow," but only because it's just gained fame. But i will be able to say, "I'm a true yellow fan. I've been with it since before." So there...
SEEDS: INFINITY
I think it's a really neat thing to know that inside a single seed lies a potentially infinite supply if one plant. A seed grows a plant, which produces seeds, which grow plants, which produce seeds, which grow plants, and so on. Isn't that cool? A seed, when taken care of properly, can just keep going and going.
STICKERS
Why are stickers so cool to kids? They adhere to a piece of clothing for less than a day. You can't keep them for a long time, they don't do much besides sticking to stuff, they lack the interactive qualities of toys, and they disappear the next day. So what's the big deal?
"Peter, if you do this, i'll reward you with a sticker."
"Oh boy!" Peter exclaims, then runs off to complete the task. I just don't see what the big deal is.
I wonder when the day is that a kid realizes a sticker just isn't that great anymore. Must be a sad day, similar to finding out the easter bunny doesn't lay chocolate eggs, his wife does. Poor souls.
FROM WORK
My kids have taught me many things, but these are some amusing pieces of acquired knowledge i'd like to pass along to you.
"Juice + white = milk."
"G starts with green."
Anything past tense gets another 'ed' at the end. Example: "He kickeded me!"
"Everyone is different. Some people like their music loud, and some don't. Some people don't like to drive safely and get into accidents, and some do."
"If you talk during the movie we throw the TV out the window and put mustard on it."
The boogie man used to live in the back closet, but he moved to Florida.
Alright, that concludes my musings for the evening. On that note, i'm off...i hope you've enjoyed a brief glimpse into that which
posted by Still Daddy at 8:50 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Adam -- so whilst bored at work today - I decided to take a look at your blog and well, have i got a few things to share with you. I find that the kids were funny and I miss them and the silly things that they did. As for the sticker theory-- dude, I walk my aunt's dog only to get the sticker reward that you get when you do it. Tessa (the dog that is) gets a sticker on the calendar so my aunt knows you walked her and then you get a sticker-- and geez, I dont even want to tell you how old i am.
And if you enjoy Jeff Buckley's Hallejuah -- it was written by Leonard Cohen and he has several versions but I would agree being a fan of Jeff that it is a great cover. However, a few of my other favorite Jeff Buckley songs are Get Real, Lover you Should have come over, and Lilac Wine. ITs too bad that he had to die - it was going to be get-- I think that JEff Bckley's Grace is an essential to anyones collection.
Sarah
what happened to the last line of this entry?
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