Flies: It's Still On My Mind

It's still on my mind.

This morning for two particular reasons. Last night I talked with the guys about it and went through old photos I didn't quite care for (and I'm not in them). My stomache tightened when I looked at them. To make it worse, there were doubles. While part of me wishes this weren't so, there's no denying that it is.

The second reason is that I'm ready. I've formed my opinions. I know where I stand. I've got the answers I've been waiting for and the reasons that had previously eluded me. The conversation is prepared.

But I can't.

It's the kind of conversation I want to have with no distractions. No interuptions. No time limits due to obligations or otherwise. this is the first time I can speak my heart on this particular issue (let us call it...flies), so the waiting time is twice as hard. Until I can release that mental pressure, I have to put up with these thoughts bouncing around at high speeds.

When I was ready to say "I love you" to Alyssa (because I do), I had to wait on that one too. It was also very difficult to walk around with, putting so much effort into containing it until the right time (the Lord's time). But when that bounced around, it was nice to look at.

Flies, on the other hand, are ugly. They're annoying. They're bothersome. The worst part is that flies are harmless. I mean, that's good, but I let them anger me and distract me from what's really going on. So any pain derived from their presence is self-inflicted. Their soul weapon is annoyance.

The only source of true comfort during the time it's taken me to sort through it all (it has been a difficult and trying process) is the Great Bullfrog Himself. Yep, I just used an amphibean as an analogy for God. How do you like that?

Lord, eat 'em up.